Saturday, April 17, 2010

Telling the Parents

Being a teen is hard enough...being a teen who is pregnant is even harder...telling your parents, the expectant father and his family is like a nightmare with a reality spin to it.

I remember that day all too well. The expectant father (my X) took me to the doctors the day I found out I was pregnant but really wasn't the doctor just made a small error. He was with me at doctors not because he cared but he was due in court and needed a ride. He was dealing with a DWI. Anyway, after we got the news on that cool Friday morning in October. I went to school and he went to work saying we would talk after he got out of work. Needless to say the X never came home after work. He went on his daily drinking binge and I was left to deal with the problem silently by myself. I remember walking around crying trying to figure out what to do when I ran into my neighbor guy...he gave me his view point on why guys act the way they do. His words helped me to get through the night. Thanks Dan...

Telling my mom and dad. My dad didn't say much just asked me what I wanted to do. My mom wanted me to get married as it was the only option. She said I was scum. I received no support from her or my family unless you count negative comments as support. My brother called me a tit teaser and told me I disgraced my family. My oldest sister told me it was unfair that I got to keep my child and she had to give hers up. (She got pregnant in college)Oh, yeah life was good.

The X's family thought I trapped their prize winning son/grandson into marriage. His dad came over and tried to be a father but it was useless because he had been out of his life for a couple of years.

Friends didn't know what to say or do to help. I was left feeling scared and lonely, a very dark time for me. I got through it but I would have loved to have someone around who cared and gave me support.

Not once did anyone offer suggestions, advice, or a kind word. Just ridicule and quick to point out comments about how I ruined my life, the X's life. Like he had nothing to do with it? If you were keeping score: support 0 negativity 100...I swore from that time on that if this happened to my kids I would be there for them.

If you are a parent reading this....hearing that your child is pregnant is not what you or anyone else wants to hear. Being supportive and kind is the best thing that you can do for your child. I have told my kids since they were young that if they ever got pregnant they did not have to get married and that they have options, and I would always be there for them.

If you’re a teen reading this than I urge you to find that one or more support person whether it is teacher, family friend, uncle, aunt, pastor anyone who will be your support system. You will need it. Don't do what I did and go through it alone. It is not a fun place to be all by yourself thinking the world is against you. Just remember you are not the first person this has happened to nor will you be the last.

The ironic thing about this whole situation is that I really wasn't pregnant. The doctor made a small(really astronomically huge) mistake which changed my life forever without her mistake I would of never had NaTasha nor any of the other 6 kids so I'm sure they are happy for the Dr's mistake.


Child help National Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-4-A-CHILD
National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

I Was Told I Was Pregnant BUT.......

Being pregnant and getting married in high school was hard but even harder knowing that I was marrying a man who was abusing me.

I remember when I first found out I was pregnant the doctor told me that the test was between positive and normal...it was more positive then normal, so she said I was pregnant. OK I thought strange but ok what did I know I was a teenage. The Dr. stated that I needed to have an ultrasound to check everything out. So off to the hospital to have an ultrasound I go. In the meantime, she told my mom I was pregnant and my world of hell sank deeper into the realms of hell.

I had the ultrasound done and the tech asked me, who told you that you were pregnant...I replied my Dr.and she asked who my Dr. was, I gave her the name of my Dr. and the tech said nothing else after that. A couple of days later I called to see how my ultrasound turned out. They told me everything looked good and my next appointment was in January.

In the meantime, I got pregnant. When I went to see the Dr. in January she said nothing showed on the ultrasound but I'm still pregnant. What I said, am I pregnant or not. I called to check on the ultrasound and you said everything was fine. She had the nerve to tell me that I was still due in July, that the blood work that she was going to do would confirm that. Sure enough I received a phone call to say I was still due in July. By now another Dr appointment was set up...

When I went to see the new Dr. one that my sister went to and who delivered me said I was not pregnant..but he was wrong and I was....I was sitting with the devil now..no way out of hell...

Great all this hell for what for what I thought. The X cried and said he needed me and wanted me to marry him still. Great... the quick wedding was planned...my family was giving me no way out...and I was falling deeper in to realms of hell..

The day after I found out I wasn't pregnant (I actually was now but no one knew it). His mom came to my house....chatted with me like she was my best friend and she cared for me. Wrong....I had to get in the shower to go meet with the Rev. for our wedding..while I was in the shower. His mom told my mom that I was trapping her son into marriage. My mom according to her... told her that she could not wait for me to leave the house. My X's mom tore him a new butt and told him I was trapping him into marriage. Like he was a prize..a keeper...not...he went spastic and tore his grandma's house apart.

He packed his bags and I went along with him to Florida....which a story for later..

I seem to be caught in the middle of a cross firer in hell and no one was reaching out with a life preserver to help or save me...Just a quick note for all you who say why did you go. The X was already beating me and my mom knew...Lost and alone with no where to turn. So I went...

Again I tell you this to help someone not for pity, life by far has not been good to me but from all the tragedy I have become a strong woman and I'm lucky. As you will see the abuse in my life did not stop until I got divorce 3.5 years ago. Many, many years of abuse in one form or another but that is for a different day.

Child help National Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-4-A-CHILD
National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224.